Crud World Domination Enterprises give you

FAST FOOD ROCKERS

Tranmere Rovers Football Club - 02.11.03

(reviewed by Phil Newall)


"Say Cheese"

No doubt many of our readers consider that those who submit reviews to this worthy tomb, are first wined, dined and occasionally offered sexual favours by young nubile critically adored future 'rock-gods' Now I am not going to deny that these offers are forthcoming but we are a committed team, whose sole aim is to bring to our readership accurate analysis from the streets' no matter what the cost.

As such I sat with grey dread in the hallowed portals of the mighty 'Super White Army' and awaited the arrival of The Fast Food Rockers. TFFR are the evil creation of Mike Stock - he of Stock, Aitkin & Waterman and have a target audience that still requires its parents to wipe it's collective backsides. This has not prevented 'the group' from scoring two Top 10 hits, and it was with the second of these that they opened with - the catchy; in a sort of STD type way "Say Cheese". Our three Rockers leapt about the stage, dressed in matching white overalls to a manic 120BPM Euro Trash style pop abomination.

It sounded great - it would; no one actually played any instruments or sang, the group merely mimed with the occasional screamed encouragement to 'party'.

The second number was equally mind numbing, to the extent that I can't even recall it's title - this matters not, as it was just the same as the first but with a slightly differing dance routine.

After this we were treated to their No.5 smash "The Fast Food Song" - you know the one, all the primary school playgrounds danced to 'McDonalds, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut' ad nausea.

And that was it, with a cherry 'goodbye' they were thankfully gone. In fairness the kids in the audience loved them and all danced along to the structured routine.

The only redeeming factor to my hell was that it was all "for charidy", and was followed by the annual Roundtable Fireworks Display- which was fantastic.

As if you didn't already know, The Fast Food Rockers are truly awful, they represent everything that is wrong with the music business, they have been created merely to extract cash from pockets in as short a space of time as possible. What's worse is the age of their audience, and the cynical marketing being bombarded upon our children by the unseen faces behind this exercise. Do you recall the councillor who stated that The Sex Pistols "would only improved by sudden death" he was right, except his target was wrong - it should be TIFF. If there is a God? please.....

All of this makes a website like this all the more worthy, as it strives to gain exposure for overlooked artists, starved of airplay and encouragement from 'the industry' - As such; spread the word - there is an alternative and the artists we feature are it - explore, dive in and enjoy.

Phil Newall

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